A question of lust

Trying to act upon it as much as I can

The one that got away May 7, 2010

Filed under: Dating Game,So Hot — questionoflust @ 2:41 am
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I think everybody that has been dating for a long time, has had several relationships etc. has marked a certain somebody as ‘the one that got away’.

I have one of those….man he was great, and the silly thing was…we were doing great together.
Our break up was basically caused because he literally left one day.
For two years I didn’t hear anything until I received a 4 word e-mail a few days ago….“Hey how are you”

Total shock!!
Is he back, why is he emailing, why so little words, what does he want, where’s he been, why did he go….and these are just the questions that flew threw my head the first nano second.

I mailed back saying: “hey stranger….good to hear you didn’t die”
Long story short….we agreed to meet for a date that weekend.

It was amazing, we talked about the ‘old days’, he apologized for leaving and explained why he did what he did, we laughed, we drank….and than I wanted to go home.

It was too much, all the feelings started rushing back again, and I have no idea what to do with them.
I’m sort of comfortable in my ‘safe’ relationship with Steve…I have no commitment really…But the idea that things with Mr Right might be as they used to be is so overpowering.

I feel weak, I feel I can drop everything again in a heart beat for this guy.

I didn’t call the next day, didn’t email, I hadn’t even asked for his new telephone number (now that I think of it…why didn’t he ask for mine?!?!)

Anyway….he’s back….and I’m torn…


Bummed Bum April 10, 2010

Filed under: Body Matters,Just saying,So Not — questionoflust @ 12:06 am
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what happened to my apple bum?!?!Just came out of the shower and looked myself over in the standing mirror. It had been a while…somehow in winter I’m not as obsessed with myself as when the sun starts shining.

My ass is dragging on the floor!! I have a serious case of droop-ass!
How did that happen?

My butt has always been one of my proudest pieces! What am I to do if my butt is not working it’s magic anymore?

I can still feel there’s glutes under the bum fat, but somehow they seem depressed…while I squeeze and release I’m checking for the dreaded pot holes…none appear..I guess that’s a good thing.

So…I guess I have to do non stop butt clinches to get the bum into shape. Flabby buttocks are not good! They don’t fit in a bikini, they look horrid in a g-string and they disappear in tight pants. I’m having horror flashes of those butts you see sometimes that aren’t really bums…it is just a back with a slith, or those bums that are flat but wide…they don’t fit in whatever bathing suit you try to squash them in.

I thought my Latin genes would keep me longer safe from gravity pull & other forms of aging, but(t) I’m clearly wrong.

I’m googl’ing butt exercises at the moment and have given myself 3 weeks to get that Latin butt pumped and tight again.


Easter! April 8, 2010

Filed under: One night stands,So Hot,Speaking in Tongues,The Affair — questionoflust @ 3:06 pm
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Had been having a bit ofย  a rough few days with Steve, so I decided I needed a change of scenery for the Easter days. Firstly because I needed to get out of this place, secondly because in my twisted female mind I wanted Steve to miss me more than he claims he does. (baaaaad I know)

I went to see my dear and lovely friend in Ankara. She is the hottest girl on the planet (to me) and besides being smoking hot she is real fun to go out with. So most of the ingredients for a great few days I’d say.

She picked me up from the airport and of course I vented about Steve all the way back to her apartment, when we got out of the car and I closed the car door I promised her I would not speak of him anymore during my stay….I had released what I wanted to release and felt much better.

We end up drinking Raki (a turkish spirit) that night and just sat there talking, with the necessary make-out breaks in between, and we come up with the idea that we should have an ‘easter’ party. We also decide that party should have nothing to do with finding hidden eggs or a 3-legged race.

The party is planned for the next evening, during the day we call everybody we want to be there, shop for groceries and try to make the apartment as party proof as possible.

It was an amazing night! Turkish people can be so judgmental about certain things, but when they get loose….they do get loose. There was music, dancing, drinking, stripping and chocolate love making. My feel is that there will be some American soldiers that have a great story to tell about ‘the time they were stationed in Ankara’.

While things were simmering down in the early hours of the morning I decided it was time to head to bed. What do I find naked on my bed? My sweet friend wearing nothing but a purple bow and a bottle of chocolate sauce on the night stand….

I had a great time, and I will not forget this trip to Ankara soon….I should come up with something good for when she’ll be visiting me this summer!


Cut or Not? March 23, 2010

Filed under: Body Matters,Just saying — questionoflust @ 10:23 pm
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a circumcized one or not? I like penises, penis’es, peni…what is the plural of penis?
Anyway I like them, I like the shape, the color changes, the way balls move without touching them, the whole thing!

What is a nice penis? I wouldn’t know…. I don’t mind if it is leaning left or right, or fully comes up or gets stuck at 90 degrees…all the same to me…all are workable & enjoyable.

Since I moved out to Turkey I’ve only encountered circumcised ones. Here it is a normal thing, all boys go through it…it’s a big deal. In Europe it’s not regular at all, and the only men that are cut are maybe jewish men and guys that choose to do so at an older age.

Maybe back in the days one would have said that being circumcised is more hygienic…but somehow I don’t believe in that….It would be like taking your toe nails off because there can be dirt under them.

In the beginning I had no idea what to do with the ones without skin…how does it work…does it even work? Hahaha but it didn’t take long to figure out. And I must say, I now prefer clipped ones over the unclipped. When during the summer periods I accidentally come across a touristy foreskin, I feel weird….all of a sudden the penis I enjoy so much looks a bit strange and freaks me out.

I think it has just to do with the fact that you get used to what you see. In the end….as I said before….I like penis!


House Party March 22, 2010

Filed under: Dating Game,Just saying — questionoflust @ 10:56 pm
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Oh it was a lovely weekend! Me and the girls had a blast…..when I say blast, it basically means that I haven’t been out in a while and this was the best thing since ๐Ÿ™‚

After the night got started slowly, we hooked up with some of the guys and went to a lovely bar with some live music….for us to tolerate the music we had to drink….drink fast!

As it is winter, bars close early so we all decided to continue the evening at somebody’s house…..Now I like partying at somebody’s house. It is relaxed…we can smoke without going outside all the time, you can take your shoes off, and when you’re tired….you just crash!

While some where in the living room dancing, drinking and having fun….others where occupying bedrooms. Not for me this time. I can’t do it in crowded places!….also….with the gossip machine that never sleeps….it is good to keep some things to yourself!

Did hook up with a cutie though, that dropped me off home after a lovely breakfast….awww such a gentle man!


Chocolate Starfish March 17, 2010

Filed under: Just saying,Speaking in Tongues — questionoflust @ 6:02 pm
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starfishing or not?I spent the afternoon in the sunshine having coffee with one of my friends. She’s a lovely Turkish girl, and one of few I have a nice friendship with.

I have learned a long time ago, I am extremely poor when it comes to giving advice to Turkish girls…..or mindset is just different and most of the time any advice I give fails…much like my own serious love life ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, we end up talking about a topic that seriously fascinates me here in this country; getting married young and secret relationships with people parents disapprove of.

She explains to me, like many others have that it is just seriously frowned upon to have a sexual relationship with anybody before marriage. However this is changing, and it is much the village and mountain folk that still hang on to this.ย  Strangely enough it also goes for families that are in a good position or come from money.
She continues that as a girl things are weird…on one hand family pushes you to get educated and an university degree, and once you have one, you should get married as soon as possible and start a family. Turkish girls lash out in all sorts of ways….MySpace is full of them ๐Ÿ˜‰

So what do you do” I ask “What do you do if you can’t have any sexual relations because you should enter marriage as a virgin“. Well apparently there are plenty of ways to have sex and in your mind still be a virgin…She tells me it is very common that you don’t have sex the regular way, up the bum is much better and your ‘virginity’ stays in tact.

I choke on my cappuccino…..up the backdoor?!?!?! what…with just any guy?!?!
Call me a prude, but that to me that is a special place…entry is not common, and access is only granted to a select few. All of a sudden it dawns on me that this is why some of the guys I slept with immediately went for the back side, only to be told off by me if anything bigger than a finger came close.

Wow…I hadn’t been shocked by anything in a long time…I now look at the cash register girl from the supermarket with completely different eyes!!


Oh you REALLY like sudoku do you

Filed under: Dating Game,So Not — questionoflust @ 6:14 am
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date failWell last nights’ date wasn’t as splendid as I might have hoped.

Nice guy, but I’m sure he pulled the Jedi mind trick on me, for me to agree to go out with him.

In the non date surrounding that I met him in, he seemed nice enough and interesting, but once at the table it was a disaster…..

I agreed to meet him at the restaurant, instead of him picking me up, because I didn’t want my neighbor (walking gossip magazine) to log me in her book again ‘going out with man in silver colored car‘. Decided to wear something not too flashy or revealing…in the end he is Turkish…don’t want him to think I’m easy ๐Ÿ˜‰ I love the restaurant he picked, it is one of few places in this town with amazing food, so I do compliment him on that choice.

He was a gentleman; pulling out the chair, explaining the menu to me, pretending he knew about wine etc., but after the formalities the beer went flat! We had nothing to talk about….well that is not completely true…I am now an expert on SUDOKU!

Apparently he is very much into solving these puzzles and can talk about it, without breathing/eating/drinking for a very long time. I was surprised he didn’t pull out a pocket sudoko booklet so we could solve one together! I tried to move into other conversation topics by linking to the whole puzzle theme….”so if you like puzzles does it also relate to movies? I like movies like that, you know Memento…Seven” or “wow you are really into numbers, you could be on that TV show solving crimes!..do you know it?” and “I’m not that good with numbers…more the pictures & colors type…painting by numbers I could do!…What else do you like?“.

At some point I jokingly (but seriously) mentioned his food was getting cold, and that was I guess when he figured out he had talked himself into the ‘delete from phone’ category, and next to the steak, we could now also cut the tension with a knife.

While he’s trying to avoid my look and semi casually looks around the restaurant, I think this situation has to come to a pleasant end as soon as possible and I open my back up back up back up topic….football. At least that made us chat for at least half an hour without any awkwardness and gave me the perfect exit….

I have to go, English football is on tonight, I missed the match but I’d like to see the re-caps if you don’t mind

See football is my ultimate back up in this country…I don’t even like football, but Turks do and almost every night there is some match on TV. It is ALWAYS the perfect excuse to go ๐Ÿ˜‰